Working on yourself

It's has been a while since I last made an entry. Life as a newly married man requires change and I’ve been busy adjusting merrily.

But to follow on my first entry and having volunteered at some SDU events, I realized that there are things that singles need to do in order to enhance their chances of getting a date.

And it's more important for the guys to do their homework, as it is they that must take initiative and make the first move. So this is what I noticed that guys can do to be more prepared and effective at social gatherings where there’s a chance to get a few numbers and then perhaps a date.

The guys have to work on themselves in two major areas. The first area is in the area of personal grooming and personal hygiene. Sounds easy enough but it would appear from observation that either some of the guys I saw are just plain lazy or simply clueless about how others see them. The second is to work on their internal programming. This is more difficult as I could not see what’s going inside their heads but observable evidence seems to indicate that there’s a lot of negative thoughts occupying those minds. One can readily observe that, even when a guy is sitting next to an eligible woman, there is no conversation, perhaps short conversations, or uncomfortable conversations. Working on the internal programming is more challenging but it is not without hope. I will address the first one here and the second in a subsequent entry.

Personal grooming and good personal hygiene,

What guy does not want to be around beautiful woman? And conversely, what woman does not want to be with a dashingly handsome, fit, and well groomed man? We all do, so let’s do away with double standards to think that women must look for us men and not vice versa. So guys, do yourself and your potential date a favor and try to look your best. Yeah, yeah, you have inner beauty and other admirable personal traits, but no one can see them from a distance or up close. However, it is possible to smell body odor and mildewy clothing when one gets close enough. And it is possible to see how unclean your hair and shoes are up close. What about that nose hair protruding out both nostrils as if you had two hamsters trying to fight their way out? Personal grooming and good hygiene is simply good advertising and is a must to successful dating. So let’s cover some ground.

Looks are not everything but it is an important thing. If you were a nice looking woman, in good shape and healthy, would you date a man who is overweight, unhealthy, has no sense of style or good taste and does not know how to take care of himself? Of course not! So the first thing you may want to do is get a make over from the top of your head down to the shoes on your feet. The second thing is to work on being fit and healthy. In the end, you will feel more confident and energetic and it will show.

Hair

Don’t pick a hairstyle just because it’s popular or some celebrity is sporting it. A big mistake! Pick a hairstyle that is suitable for your head and face type as well your body type. And most of all, is that style really “you”. Don’t pick a wild tinted rocked star look if that’s not who you are. You won’t be able to carry it off and it’ll look like a mismatch. When in doubt, choose a conservative style with your natural color. If you have a comb over, lose it right away and shave your head! If it’s long and greasy, wash it and keep it clean and neat and keep it away from your face to avoid getting zits from scalp oil. Use hair gel sparingly. Keeping it neat shows a woman that you are neat and clean if not stylishly in vogue.

Glasses

Many Singaporeans are afflicted with poor eyesight that requires correction. I see many guys wear white-framed glasses that are cool. However, it often sticks out like a sore thumb as it generally the only cool thing on that body of theirs. If you want to sport cool, then make sure that rest of the ensemble is equally, if not more, cool. Black frames will always be cool enough and will be easier and cheaper to match in cool factor.

Nose hair

I know of not one single human being that thinks hair sticking out of the nostrils is attractive. If you think it is, I want to meet you and find out what makes you tick! Get it cut. Nose trimmers are cheap and effective. Remember that in the nose, where there’s hair, buggers are not far behind. It’s simple gross so get it taken care of.

Ears

Just because you can see your ears doesn’t mean that they are clean! Clean them regularly with cotton tipped cleaners. And don’t forget to wash behind the ears.

Eyebrows

Women spend a lot time and money plucking their eyebrows so you can bet your bottom dollar that it’s something they notice. Trim or pluck any “mutants” that want to stand out in the crowd, but don’t over do as you will start to look odd if it’s too sparse.

Facial hair

Some gals like a bit of stubble while some like the clean-shaven look. I say go conservative and be clean-shaven. Again, pluck the strays that stick out.

Mouth and teeth

Seems an obvious place to keep clean as all kinds of bacteria live in our mouths. I’m not saying that one has to have celebrity piano teeth, but it’s a good idea to brush all that plaque off and to get rid of the bad breath so that a conversation with you is not a test in stamina. Bad oral hygiene is a real turn off, so brush and floss your teeth regularly. Rinse with antiseptic is you can. Test your breath by licking your wrist and smelling it about 5 seconds later. That’s close to what others will smell. Nothing is worse than being close to a person with bad breath except ….

Body odor

Singapore is in a tropical climate a few degrees off the equator so it’s understandable that everyone sweats and clothes don’t always dry on the line. But there’s no excuse to show up for a social occasion sporting your own personal offensive odor. Talk about a force field to keep others at bay! Singapore doesn’t have a water shortage problem yet so showers are affordable and convenient. And antiperspirants are not that expensive. And if your clothes are still a bit moist, do what I do. Iron them! Iron them anyway because neat clothing has an impact. And another thing to note is that you will not be able to detect your own scent! Better be safe than stinky.

Shirts and pants.

Short men should not wear horizontal strips and thin men should not wear vertical strips. There are some basic rules to wearing clothing that enhances your overall look rather than detract from it. You don’t have to sport expensive brand names to look good. Just put together simple, neatly pressed, shirt and pants combinations that work for your physique and personality. Don’t dress like a rock star if you’re not. I often wear a tee shirt and jeans but I take care of body by exercising and eating well so I have nothing to hide. Some clothes can “hide” parts of the body that you may not feel confident about while other enhance those that you are proud of. It’s up to you to figure it out. Don’t wear shirts and pants that don’t fit. You’ll look funny and it’ll show. Some women may think that you bought them because you are cheap and stingy. So not to tight or loose for shirts, and pants should go down to the top of your heels and a bit lower. Jeans can even touch the ground. Pant waists should not bunch up while wearing a belt and should fit well even without one. Always iron your shirts and pants and pay attention to matching colors. Search the web for color matching if you are not sure.

Shoes

Women love shoes as much as they like bags. Wealthy men in the US and in Europe judge other men by the shoes they wear. People notice. The new money will often sport expensive watches yet still wear poorly made shoes. Old money will always wear nice shoes that fit and are right for the occasion. Yes, the shoes do make the man and comfortable shoes are a joy to slip into. You will notice that refined men will always have clean shoes, even in Singapore, so do yourself and your feet a favor and get a pair of well made comfortable shoes. Don’t buy them with metal parts and you may be able to wear them with slacks or jeans. I like shoes by Ecco and they can last a long time and still look good. Keeping them clean and polished will lengthen their life span and is easy to do at home with a brush and a cotton rag.

Mirror

If you do not have a full-length mirror and a hand held mirror, then you should consider getting them. The full length mirror will let you see how others see you in totality while the handheld combined with another mirror will allow you to see areas that you can not see with just one mirror alone such as the back and top of your head and behind the ears.

So that’s it from head to toe. So at least now you know how to look presentable and approachable. Still, what’s going inside that head of yours that stopping you from getting the girl of you dreams? Stay tuned for the next installment on working on the internal programming.

Good luck!

MetroAsianMan