It's has been a while since I last made an entry. Life as a newly married man requires change and I’ve been busy adjusting merrily.
But to follow on my first entry and having volunteered at some SDU events, I realized that there are things that singles need to do in order to enhance their chances of getting a date.
And it's more important for the guys to do their homework, as it is they that must take initiative and make the first move. So this is what I noticed that guys can do to be more prepared and effective at social gatherings where there’s a chance to get a few numbers and then perhaps a date.
The guys have to work on themselves in two major areas. The first area is in the area of personal grooming and personal hygiene. Sounds easy enough but it would appear from observation that either some of the guys I saw are just plain lazy or simply clueless about how others see them. The second is to work on their internal programming. This is more difficult as I could not see what’s going inside their heads but observable evidence seems to indicate that there’s a lot of negative thoughts occupying those minds. One can readily observe that, even when a guy is sitting next to an eligible woman, there is no conversation, perhaps short conversations, or uncomfortable conversations. Working on the internal programming is more challenging but it is not without hope. I will address the first one here and the second in a subsequent entry.
Personal grooming and good personal hygiene,
What guy does not want to be around beautiful woman? And conversely, what woman does not want to be with a dashingly handsome, fit, and well groomed man? We all do, so let’s do away with double standards to think that women must look for us men and not vice versa. So guys, do yourself and your potential date a favor and try to look your best. Yeah, yeah, you have inner beauty and other admirable personal traits, but no one can see them from a distance or up close. However, it is possible to smell body odor and mildewy clothing when one gets close enough. And it is possible to see how unclean your hair and shoes are up close. What about that nose hair protruding out both nostrils as if you had two hamsters trying to fight their way out? Personal grooming and good hygiene is simply good advertising and is a must to successful dating. So let’s cover some ground.
Looks are not everything but it is an important thing. If you were a nice looking woman, in good shape and healthy, would you date a man who is overweight, unhealthy, has no sense of style or good taste and does not know how to take care of himself? Of course not! So the first thing you may want to do is get a make over from the top of your head down to the shoes on your feet. The second thing is to work on being fit and healthy. In the end, you will feel more confident and energetic and it will show.
Hair
Don’t pick a hairstyle just because it’s popular or some celebrity is sporting it. A big mistake! Pick a hairstyle that is suitable for your head and face type as well your body type. And most of all, is that style really “you”. Don’t pick a wild tinted rocked star look if that’s not who you are. You won’t be able to carry it off and it’ll look like a mismatch. When in doubt, choose a conservative style with your natural color. If you have a comb over, lose it right away and shave your head! If it’s long and greasy, wash it and keep it clean and neat and keep it away from your face to avoid getting zits from scalp oil. Use hair gel sparingly. Keeping it neat shows a woman that you are neat and clean if not stylishly in vogue.
Glasses
Many Singaporeans are afflicted with poor eyesight that requires correction. I see many guys wear white-framed glasses that are cool. However, it often sticks out like a sore thumb as it generally the only cool thing on that body of theirs. If you want to sport cool, then make sure that rest of the ensemble is equally, if not more, cool. Black frames will always be cool enough and will be easier and cheaper to match in cool factor.
Nose hair
I know of not one single human being that thinks hair sticking out of the nostrils is attractive. If you think it is, I want to meet you and find out what makes you tick! Get it cut. Nose trimmers are cheap and effective. Remember that in the nose, where there’s hair, buggers are not far behind. It’s simple gross so get it taken care of.
Ears
Just because you can see your ears doesn’t mean that they are clean! Clean them regularly with cotton tipped cleaners. And don’t forget to wash behind the ears.
Eyebrows
Women spend a lot time and money plucking their eyebrows so you can bet your bottom dollar that it’s something they notice. Trim or pluck any “mutants” that want to stand out in the crowd, but don’t over do as you will start to look odd if it’s too sparse.
Facial hair
Some gals like a bit of stubble while some like the clean-shaven look. I say go conservative and be clean-shaven. Again, pluck the strays that stick out.
Mouth and teeth
Seems an obvious place to keep clean as all kinds of bacteria live in our mouths. I’m not saying that one has to have celebrity piano teeth, but it’s a good idea to brush all that plaque off and to get rid of the bad breath so that a conversation with you is not a test in stamina. Bad oral hygiene is a real turn off, so brush and floss your teeth regularly. Rinse with antiseptic is you can. Test your breath by licking your wrist and smelling it about 5 seconds later. That’s close to what others will smell. Nothing is worse than being close to a person with bad breath except ….
Body odor
Singapore is in a tropical climate a few degrees off the equator so it’s understandable that everyone sweats and clothes don’t always dry on the line. But there’s no excuse to show up for a social occasion sporting your own personal offensive odor. Talk about a force field to keep others at bay! Singapore doesn’t have a water shortage problem yet so showers are affordable and convenient. And antiperspirants are not that expensive. And if your clothes are still a bit moist, do what I do. Iron them! Iron them anyway because neat clothing has an impact. And another thing to note is that you will not be able to detect your own scent! Better be safe than stinky.
Shirts and pants.
Short men should not wear horizontal strips and thin men should not wear vertical strips. There are some basic rules to wearing clothing that enhances your overall look rather than detract from it. You don’t have to sport expensive brand names to look good. Just put together simple, neatly pressed, shirt and pants combinations that work for your physique and personality. Don’t dress like a rock star if you’re not. I often wear a tee shirt and jeans but I take care of body by exercising and eating well so I have nothing to hide. Some clothes can “hide” parts of the body that you may not feel confident about while other enhance those that you are proud of. It’s up to you to figure it out. Don’t wear shirts and pants that don’t fit. You’ll look funny and it’ll show. Some women may think that you bought them because you are cheap and stingy. So not to tight or loose for shirts, and pants should go down to the top of your heels and a bit lower. Jeans can even touch the ground. Pant waists should not bunch up while wearing a belt and should fit well even without one. Always iron your shirts and pants and pay attention to matching colors. Search the web for color matching if you are not sure.
Shoes
Women love shoes as much as they like bags. Wealthy men in the US and in Europe judge other men by the shoes they wear. People notice. The new money will often sport expensive watches yet still wear poorly made shoes. Old money will always wear nice shoes that fit and are right for the occasion. Yes, the shoes do make the man and comfortable shoes are a joy to slip into. You will notice that refined men will always have clean shoes, even in Singapore, so do yourself and your feet a favor and get a pair of well made comfortable shoes. Don’t buy them with metal parts and you may be able to wear them with slacks or jeans. I like shoes by Ecco and they can last a long time and still look good. Keeping them clean and polished will lengthen their life span and is easy to do at home with a brush and a cotton rag.
Mirror
If you do not have a full-length mirror and a hand held mirror, then you should consider getting them. The full length mirror will let you see how others see you in totality while the handheld combined with another mirror will allow you to see areas that you can not see with just one mirror alone such as the back and top of your head and behind the ears.
So that’s it from head to toe. So at least now you know how to look presentable and approachable. Still, what’s going inside that head of yours that stopping you from getting the girl of you dreams? Stay tuned for the next installment on working on the internal programming.
Good luck!
MetroAsianMan
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Dating Tips by Tat - 01
Welcome to the first installment of “Dating Tips by Tat”.
How may this blog be useful to you?
• Do you want to improve your chances of finding the partner you’ve always wanted?
• Do you want to gain some useful techniques on approaching someone of the opposite sex that interests you?
• Do you want to learn to flirt more effectively ?
• Do you want to gain rapport quickly upon meeting someone new?
• Do you want to learn how to get her interested in you?
• Do you want to find out if she’s interested in you?
• Do you want to overcome the fear of rejection when wanting to ask someone out?
If you’ve answered yes to any or all of the above questions, then you may find my blog useful.
From being single to being married
I’ve had a wonderful fun filled bachelor life but I have finally decided to get married and settle down (whatever “settle down” means). But after 30 odds years of dating and being in and out of relationships good and “could have been better”, I’ve learned quite a few things about dating and the opposite sex. I want to share what I’ve learned with my fellow Singapore denizens (for you single guys specifically but also for you single ladies and even for some of you that are already married) by offering some useful tips and techniques to have more fun and success in dating.
I believe that there’s no such thing as failure, and instead take a temporary setback as an opportunity for feedback. So with the ending of each relationship I’ve endeavored to learn something from it and to improve myself for the next one. I will also say that, for me, getting married is not the same as commitment. I’m getting married to have a family and raise children. I was already committed to my then girl friend before we got married. I know of many uncommitted couples whose marriage end in a divorce while I can also point to unmarried committed couples that have been together for more than a couple of decades. But then, that’s a rather alternative European and Californian perspective on “coupleship”.
Dating can be useful
The reason I make this distinction is because getting married and being married does not mean that you’re in a healthy relationship. But good dating practices set the foundation for a mature, positive, nurturing relationship (those words themselves sound so mature!) that is necessary for a successful marriage. Good dating practices (it’s actually effective communication skills supported by skillful acts) will also increase the odds that what you get is what was advertised! So how do you know that what is told to you is what you’ll actually get? You may be assuming that your observation skills are sharp and that your partner is always accurate and truthful, but in reality, we see only what we are looking for and will want to only disclose what we expect the other wants to know. Understand that communication is not all verbal and that we all have histories that are the make up of who we are.
Human beings have histories whether they’ve been married before or not or have been in serious relationships or not. It’s imperative to discover their history as it will not always be provided voluntarily (that type of volunteering of negative history is only appropriate at the right stage of the relationship, otherwise, it’s just plain bad marketing!). Thankfully, there are polite and stealthy ways to probe for history. But more more about that in a future blog entry. Good communication skills, a keen eye, and deft listening, will go a long way to help both parties discover both history and present needs and wants of their dating partner in order to establish if any compatibility and chemistry exist between the both of you.
If you’re looking for a trophy girlfriend or trophy wife, you won’t need any help from me. It’s easy to get them. But it’s just as easy to lose them too. In the end, you’ll be alone and miserable. That’s an outcome I do not condone nor will I abet.
How is dating is like selling and buying?
Successful dating requires good selling skills. You heard me right, selling skills. Of course, the product you are selling is yourself. Don’t worry if you think that you are shy. I used to be frightfully shy, but I worked through it. You can too. I’ll repeat, you are selling yourself. The reason that ‘s important is because you and you alone provide something no one else can replicate or take away, and that is your character. I’ll blog a lot about this particular unique value and how to present it in a positive way to your prospective “buyer” (target girlfriend, potential wife) in future blog entries.
But unlike sales, you are also a buyer. The opposite sex is out there wanting to sell themselves to you (if you are their ideal buyer). You need to get versed on not buying into the hype but finding out what’s real before you get in too deep! But like all products in all markets, there are ideal targets and not so ideal targets and cultural differences matter. So you will have to know the product that you are selling (it’s YOU!). Sounds simple eh? No lah! Knowing the product is where most people, both men and women, fall short. How can you sell a product you don’t know about? Can not! And yes, I will cover the stages of human development as well as the hierarchy of human needs but you can read up on it too. Just search for “Mazlow’s pyramid of human needs”. To make it interesting, I’ll stack it up against the metric defined as the order of human consciousness. Big words for big ideas to be covered more in-depth to help you understand where YOU are coming from.
Doesn’t sound easy does it? It’s not supposed to be. Cultivating a mature, healthy, supportive relationship is the hardest thing any of us will ever be engaged in during our lifetimes. And yes, it will be scary and challenging at times, but the reward of truly relating to someone in a deep, meaningful way easily outweighs the risks of getting into it in the first place.
But some background on dating
It’s a relatively new social phenomena actually, this dating as we know it. Courtship as a term you may have heard in movies or read in books is not the same as dating. Courtship was established by nobility to grant court or an audience to viable suitors in hopes of a marriage to cement noble ties. This was strictly along class lines and its primary purpose was to preserve or gain wealth and acquire or maintain social stature. It was, in plain terms, a contract of convenience and not one of romantic love. And it was, more often than not, pre-arranged by parties other than the betrothed (I’m not saying that pre-arrange marriages are bad). If by chance, romantic love came into the equation, it was by some blind luck and this did not happen often. That’s what mistresses were for as well as concubines in some societies. After all, it’s a fundamental need to love and be loved, contract not withstanding.
Remember that before the suffrage movements during the late 19th century, women had few opportunities for employment in which to earn a living wage. They did not even have the right to vote back then. A women’s right to vote is a recent thing in the scope of modern industrial civilization and a women’s right to fair wages is still in dispute to this very day. So women depended on marrying a dependable provider if she wanted any chance of living a decent life or rearing children. If she did not get married, she became a burden to the household. So the marriages of the past were based on what’s termed the exchange theory of relationships. In my mind, this amounted to something closer to a life of indenture servitude for women. Life was spent in the kitchen, doing laundry and looking after children. In return, they got a roof over their heads, a few square meals, and some level of security in life. In most parts of the world across many varied cultures, relationships have not evolved much, if any, beyond this fundamental basis.
Sigh. Ok, that may sound a bit too anthropological (my fingers hurt typing so many syllables), so let’s get back to lightening it up a bit, shall we? In a bit, but now we know how it used to be. So where are we now?
The way going forward
When women gained the right to vote and the right to earn a somewhat fair living, men were thrown into a role re-defining tizzy. No longer were they the sole bread winner, but women wanted decision making power too! Some women did not even want to get married once they got this new-found independence. Men had a right to be a bit disgruntled, and yes, a bit fearful too.
So how now to find a suitable wife? The good news was that now they could meet women in the workplace but introductions were still the cultural norm as the way to meet a woman you did not know. The bad news is that men were still very chauvinistic! So men were still stuck in the “old ways” while women were becoming liberated and empowered.
Introduction by a third party was and is a good thing. It also provides a modicum of accountability. You can always blame your friend for a date gone awry. But these days, introduction to someone attractive but unknown to you or your acquaintances is not easy to come by but also not totally out of the question. Yes, it’s possible to get introduced to someone you find attractive on the spot even though you nor your wingman know her. That’s a dating trick that I’ll defer to a later blog (wink wink).
So men had to be bold and approach women in all kinds of places and introduce themselves and to share their intentions (we are very transparent in that area but it’s not a bad thing). But only the very bold and confident were successful in this approach. Sadly some of these confident and bold men came across as cads or players. They are the ones that coined the term “nice guys finish last”, much to the detriment of the male species. So were all the jerks getting the beautiful girls? Maybe, but then the “nice guys” penned the term “dumb blonde” to get even. Neither is productive but they sure make for entertaining stereotypes and archetypal themes for movies and books. Maybe they deserve each other. But no, everyone has the chance to be really happy in a relationship. Thankfully there are venues for meeting the opposite sex that are less “competitive” and where conversations can be initiated in a more natural and inviting manner suitable for all personality types.
Invitation to battle without strategy or weapons
I was raised in a traditional chinese family and if your parents are like mine, they did not teach me anything about dating. It’s not part of our social makeup. We Chinese are descendants of a feudal society where arranged marriages were the norm. Traditional matchmakers ply their trade to this very day as go betweens and facilitators. Are the dating agencies cropping up today any different? If not, how can we assume that they will be more successful? I make a distinction between successful and effective here because creating matches and setting up dates can be effective, but the success rate is not high. Dating without a strategy and the skills to execute on that strategy is like going to battle naked!
Introductions are useful as an initial step but all the hard work comes after that and the responsibility falls squarely on the shoulders of the individuals who come together as a result of that introduction. I also do not feel that matching based upon likes and dislikes is a good indicator of compatibility. People change as they grow, it’s simple as that. We don’t remain who we are so compatibility is a moving target. More in-depth profiling may help but it also narrows our options. But neither does anything to improve the “relating” skills needed for a successful date, and ultimately, a mature supportive relationship that leads to marriage.
Strategy and planning
I want to share with readers a strategy for getting what you want out of life, be it in the professional arena or in your personal life. The tools of the trade to getting there are the same. First, you must know who you are before knowing what you want. What does getting what you want mean to you? So it’s really a game of communication. Asking the right questions of yourself and others, sharing thoughts and ideas, having the requisite skill to converse in a precise and unambiguous fashion, and equally important, listening with patience, intent, and without judgement. So with that, I’d like to share with my readers the nitty gritty of how to conduct fun and insightful conversations with people you meet or someone you have a romantic interest in. Here are some, but not all, topics that will be covered in future blogs:
• Learn to boost your confidence level
• Learn techniques to introducing yourself in an non-intimidating way that invites conversation.
• Learn techniques to uncover compatibility issues early on so that you do not waste your or the other persons time
• Learn techniques to know if the other person is or is not interested in you
• Learn techniques to asking someone out on a date without fear of rejection
• Learn how to keep a conversation going
But most of all, my hope that you’ll find the product that you’re selling much improved and an attractive buy to those you encounter and interact with daily. It’ll take some getting patience as you’ll be getting out of your comfort zone, but I’m willing to share my experience and wisdom with those that are willing to abandon preconceived notions and become willing to receive in order to get the best out of themselves.
I’d love to hear from you.
Peace
How may this blog be useful to you?
• Do you want to improve your chances of finding the partner you’ve always wanted?
• Do you want to gain some useful techniques on approaching someone of the opposite sex that interests you?
• Do you want to learn to flirt more effectively ?
• Do you want to gain rapport quickly upon meeting someone new?
• Do you want to learn how to get her interested in you?
• Do you want to find out if she’s interested in you?
• Do you want to overcome the fear of rejection when wanting to ask someone out?
If you’ve answered yes to any or all of the above questions, then you may find my blog useful.
From being single to being married
I’ve had a wonderful fun filled bachelor life but I have finally decided to get married and settle down (whatever “settle down” means). But after 30 odds years of dating and being in and out of relationships good and “could have been better”, I’ve learned quite a few things about dating and the opposite sex. I want to share what I’ve learned with my fellow Singapore denizens (for you single guys specifically but also for you single ladies and even for some of you that are already married) by offering some useful tips and techniques to have more fun and success in dating.
I believe that there’s no such thing as failure, and instead take a temporary setback as an opportunity for feedback. So with the ending of each relationship I’ve endeavored to learn something from it and to improve myself for the next one. I will also say that, for me, getting married is not the same as commitment. I’m getting married to have a family and raise children. I was already committed to my then girl friend before we got married. I know of many uncommitted couples whose marriage end in a divorce while I can also point to unmarried committed couples that have been together for more than a couple of decades. But then, that’s a rather alternative European and Californian perspective on “coupleship”.
Dating can be useful
The reason I make this distinction is because getting married and being married does not mean that you’re in a healthy relationship. But good dating practices set the foundation for a mature, positive, nurturing relationship (those words themselves sound so mature!) that is necessary for a successful marriage. Good dating practices (it’s actually effective communication skills supported by skillful acts) will also increase the odds that what you get is what was advertised! So how do you know that what is told to you is what you’ll actually get? You may be assuming that your observation skills are sharp and that your partner is always accurate and truthful, but in reality, we see only what we are looking for and will want to only disclose what we expect the other wants to know. Understand that communication is not all verbal and that we all have histories that are the make up of who we are.
Human beings have histories whether they’ve been married before or not or have been in serious relationships or not. It’s imperative to discover their history as it will not always be provided voluntarily (that type of volunteering of negative history is only appropriate at the right stage of the relationship, otherwise, it’s just plain bad marketing!). Thankfully, there are polite and stealthy ways to probe for history. But more more about that in a future blog entry. Good communication skills, a keen eye, and deft listening, will go a long way to help both parties discover both history and present needs and wants of their dating partner in order to establish if any compatibility and chemistry exist between the both of you.
If you’re looking for a trophy girlfriend or trophy wife, you won’t need any help from me. It’s easy to get them. But it’s just as easy to lose them too. In the end, you’ll be alone and miserable. That’s an outcome I do not condone nor will I abet.
How is dating is like selling and buying?
Successful dating requires good selling skills. You heard me right, selling skills. Of course, the product you are selling is yourself. Don’t worry if you think that you are shy. I used to be frightfully shy, but I worked through it. You can too. I’ll repeat, you are selling yourself. The reason that ‘s important is because you and you alone provide something no one else can replicate or take away, and that is your character. I’ll blog a lot about this particular unique value and how to present it in a positive way to your prospective “buyer” (target girlfriend, potential wife) in future blog entries.
But unlike sales, you are also a buyer. The opposite sex is out there wanting to sell themselves to you (if you are their ideal buyer). You need to get versed on not buying into the hype but finding out what’s real before you get in too deep! But like all products in all markets, there are ideal targets and not so ideal targets and cultural differences matter. So you will have to know the product that you are selling (it’s YOU!). Sounds simple eh? No lah! Knowing the product is where most people, both men and women, fall short. How can you sell a product you don’t know about? Can not! And yes, I will cover the stages of human development as well as the hierarchy of human needs but you can read up on it too. Just search for “Mazlow’s pyramid of human needs”. To make it interesting, I’ll stack it up against the metric defined as the order of human consciousness. Big words for big ideas to be covered more in-depth to help you understand where YOU are coming from.
Doesn’t sound easy does it? It’s not supposed to be. Cultivating a mature, healthy, supportive relationship is the hardest thing any of us will ever be engaged in during our lifetimes. And yes, it will be scary and challenging at times, but the reward of truly relating to someone in a deep, meaningful way easily outweighs the risks of getting into it in the first place.
But some background on dating
It’s a relatively new social phenomena actually, this dating as we know it. Courtship as a term you may have heard in movies or read in books is not the same as dating. Courtship was established by nobility to grant court or an audience to viable suitors in hopes of a marriage to cement noble ties. This was strictly along class lines and its primary purpose was to preserve or gain wealth and acquire or maintain social stature. It was, in plain terms, a contract of convenience and not one of romantic love. And it was, more often than not, pre-arranged by parties other than the betrothed (I’m not saying that pre-arrange marriages are bad). If by chance, romantic love came into the equation, it was by some blind luck and this did not happen often. That’s what mistresses were for as well as concubines in some societies. After all, it’s a fundamental need to love and be loved, contract not withstanding.
Remember that before the suffrage movements during the late 19th century, women had few opportunities for employment in which to earn a living wage. They did not even have the right to vote back then. A women’s right to vote is a recent thing in the scope of modern industrial civilization and a women’s right to fair wages is still in dispute to this very day. So women depended on marrying a dependable provider if she wanted any chance of living a decent life or rearing children. If she did not get married, she became a burden to the household. So the marriages of the past were based on what’s termed the exchange theory of relationships. In my mind, this amounted to something closer to a life of indenture servitude for women. Life was spent in the kitchen, doing laundry and looking after children. In return, they got a roof over their heads, a few square meals, and some level of security in life. In most parts of the world across many varied cultures, relationships have not evolved much, if any, beyond this fundamental basis.
Sigh. Ok, that may sound a bit too anthropological (my fingers hurt typing so many syllables), so let’s get back to lightening it up a bit, shall we? In a bit, but now we know how it used to be. So where are we now?
The way going forward
When women gained the right to vote and the right to earn a somewhat fair living, men were thrown into a role re-defining tizzy. No longer were they the sole bread winner, but women wanted decision making power too! Some women did not even want to get married once they got this new-found independence. Men had a right to be a bit disgruntled, and yes, a bit fearful too.
So how now to find a suitable wife? The good news was that now they could meet women in the workplace but introductions were still the cultural norm as the way to meet a woman you did not know. The bad news is that men were still very chauvinistic! So men were still stuck in the “old ways” while women were becoming liberated and empowered.
Introduction by a third party was and is a good thing. It also provides a modicum of accountability. You can always blame your friend for a date gone awry. But these days, introduction to someone attractive but unknown to you or your acquaintances is not easy to come by but also not totally out of the question. Yes, it’s possible to get introduced to someone you find attractive on the spot even though you nor your wingman know her. That’s a dating trick that I’ll defer to a later blog (wink wink).
So men had to be bold and approach women in all kinds of places and introduce themselves and to share their intentions (we are very transparent in that area but it’s not a bad thing). But only the very bold and confident were successful in this approach. Sadly some of these confident and bold men came across as cads or players. They are the ones that coined the term “nice guys finish last”, much to the detriment of the male species. So were all the jerks getting the beautiful girls? Maybe, but then the “nice guys” penned the term “dumb blonde” to get even. Neither is productive but they sure make for entertaining stereotypes and archetypal themes for movies and books. Maybe they deserve each other. But no, everyone has the chance to be really happy in a relationship. Thankfully there are venues for meeting the opposite sex that are less “competitive” and where conversations can be initiated in a more natural and inviting manner suitable for all personality types.
Invitation to battle without strategy or weapons
I was raised in a traditional chinese family and if your parents are like mine, they did not teach me anything about dating. It’s not part of our social makeup. We Chinese are descendants of a feudal society where arranged marriages were the norm. Traditional matchmakers ply their trade to this very day as go betweens and facilitators. Are the dating agencies cropping up today any different? If not, how can we assume that they will be more successful? I make a distinction between successful and effective here because creating matches and setting up dates can be effective, but the success rate is not high. Dating without a strategy and the skills to execute on that strategy is like going to battle naked!
Introductions are useful as an initial step but all the hard work comes after that and the responsibility falls squarely on the shoulders of the individuals who come together as a result of that introduction. I also do not feel that matching based upon likes and dislikes is a good indicator of compatibility. People change as they grow, it’s simple as that. We don’t remain who we are so compatibility is a moving target. More in-depth profiling may help but it also narrows our options. But neither does anything to improve the “relating” skills needed for a successful date, and ultimately, a mature supportive relationship that leads to marriage.
Strategy and planning
I want to share with readers a strategy for getting what you want out of life, be it in the professional arena or in your personal life. The tools of the trade to getting there are the same. First, you must know who you are before knowing what you want. What does getting what you want mean to you? So it’s really a game of communication. Asking the right questions of yourself and others, sharing thoughts and ideas, having the requisite skill to converse in a precise and unambiguous fashion, and equally important, listening with patience, intent, and without judgement. So with that, I’d like to share with my readers the nitty gritty of how to conduct fun and insightful conversations with people you meet or someone you have a romantic interest in. Here are some, but not all, topics that will be covered in future blogs:
• Learn to boost your confidence level
• Learn techniques to introducing yourself in an non-intimidating way that invites conversation.
• Learn techniques to uncover compatibility issues early on so that you do not waste your or the other persons time
• Learn techniques to know if the other person is or is not interested in you
• Learn techniques to asking someone out on a date without fear of rejection
• Learn how to keep a conversation going
But most of all, my hope that you’ll find the product that you’re selling much improved and an attractive buy to those you encounter and interact with daily. It’ll take some getting patience as you’ll be getting out of your comfort zone, but I’m willing to share my experience and wisdom with those that are willing to abandon preconceived notions and become willing to receive in order to get the best out of themselves.
I’d love to hear from you.
Peace
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